Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

-Dale Turner-

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Not me.

Things could be amazing but they havnt happened yet.
Lots of things ARE amazing now but I guess I live off hacking away at the "could be" and trying to make them the "are".  I haven't got there with it all yet and its daunting what a long way there is to go.  I also know that when I get there it may not be as expected - is anything ever enough?
Its hard not to feel lucky because some things most definitely should be enough but still we remain dissatisfied to a degree: Money is never enough, Love is never enough, belongings are never enough, friendship is never enough, health is never enough.  Why?  Why is it that we process this way?

I wish I knew what to do.  Its like theres so much colour to be part of but I keep getting stuck in the land of grayscale.  It feels like nothing is ever resolved, mistakes can never be forgotten..and the forgiving and the forgetting unfortunately don't work as a neat little pair.  Everything should be amazing because it is in the scheme of things but right now its not.  I feel ill, guilty, worried.... amongst other things.  When you show too much they become part of your identity and this is not how its meant to be.

This is not me and I don't like it.


katro said...

totally agree miss.

it's all perspective though...

perhaps that's the flaw in the logic that everything WILL be amazing.

It probably doesn't change much from now, just perspective does.

chin up pretty :)

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